No Shirt, No Shoes, No Service
by Adventurelife
Summary: By MSN. What happens when Strip and some other racers take a shopping trip to Walmart? Well, they find Hicks throwing a temper tantrum outside because they won't let him in without a shirt on. Inspired by a post from texdinoco from tumblr.


**This idea was inspired by Tex Dinoco's wonderful picture of Hick's throwing money outside of Walmart because they wouldn't let him in without a shirt on. Here's the original link: (** **https:)(/)(texdinoco.)(tumblr.)(com/)post/170559846556/the-result-of-an-entertaining-discord-convo-last**

 **(Make sure to remove the ())**

 **The characters Sammy and Tori belong to the-Kings-Tail-Fin, who I borrowed with her permission. So, I own nothing here except for Bill and the idea of bringing all of this together. Heck, even the title was inspired by the-Kings-Tail-Fin. Enjoy!**

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"This is it… the final victory relies on this shot."

"Be quiet, Sammy, I'm trying to focus."

"Will the Magnificent Tori be able to land this shot? Getting the pink ball into the hole? The crowd goes quiet in anticipation."

"There's no crowd, Sammy," Strip commented from the side, not seeing the camera zoom in on them.

"This is it, the pinnacle of his mini-golf career…" Sammy kept going.

Tori finally stood up out of annoyance.

"Sammy, can you please be quiet? You shouldn't be talking."

"He's right," Strip nodded. "Golf etiquette says you can't distract another player when they're trying to focus."

"Ah, but this is mini golf," Sammy pointed out with a grin. Tori shook his head with exasperation and turned back to the green. He adjusted his stance, gripped the club carefully, and hit the ball gently.

It rolled forward towards the hole, making a straight line for it… But it stopped, half an inch from the ledge.

"YES! ANOTHER VICTORY FOR TEAM CAT!" Sammy exclaimed, the microphone on the camera catching every word.

At the beginning on the season, MTV had approached the Piston Cup sponsors with the offer of a reality TV show. The goal of the show was to demonstrate how down-to-earth the racers really were, give the fans a peek behind the scenes, and of course, to boost interest in the sport.

Caterpillar had jumped at the opportunity, and Sammy got the starring role, as it were. He didn't mind one bit, and acted no differently in front of the camera then he did in real life. His cameraman, Bill, found Sammy interesting to film, as he was quite sociable. Most of the Piston Cup racers appeared on the show at least once as Sammy joked around with them.

It was two days before the next race in Florida and it was _hot_. Sammy, Tori and Strip were in the same hotel with a few of the other racers, and Sammy had roped the two into a game of mini golf. The course was technically made for kids, so it took the three just a short amount of time to go through it. Sammy and Tori turned out to be quite good, so they initiated a competition. Strip just tried his best to keep up.

Sammy and Tori both had completely different strategies when it came to mini golf. Sammy would hit the ball as hard as he could so that it would ricochet off the concrete wall and into the hole. Tori would take the more calm route, carefully putting the ball just hard enough to roll towards the hole and clatter into it.

In the midst of Sammy's victory, Tori putted the ball the remaining distance into the hole.

"Although that was technically cheating," he started, picking the ball out of the hole. "I'll give it to you."

"Better let him win something this year. It sure ain't gonna be any races," Strip commented as he and the others returned to the counter to return the clubs and balls.

"Ha ha, very funny," Sammy jeered sarcastically.

"That the best retort you can come up with?" Tori asked humourously.

"No, of course not," Sammy replied, affronted. "I just like to give these things careful thought and attention."

"And by then the moment will be long gone," Strip cut in.

Tori laughed as Sammy started protesting and Bill couldn't help but grin. He loved filming these guys together. It was always fun. They made their way back to the foyer, which was dead quiet in the late hour.

"Hey, I gotta run into town quickly," Tori said, cutting off Sammy's attempt at a weak comeback. "Bonnie asked me to get something while I'm here."

"Sure, we'll come with you," Strip shrugged. "Where to?"

"Just Walmart. I think it's pretty close," Tori replied, checking his pocket to make sure he had his keys.

"Yes, we get to go watch Walmart people," Sammy rubbed his hands eagerly, earning a grin from Strip. Sammy looked much more excited at the prospect than anyone should.

"You did not just say that out loud on MTV?" Tori asked incredulously, glancing back at Bill.

"Sure did, and I have more to say, too," Sammy continued. "See, I'm thinking we should classify them as their own specie..."

"Ok, Sammy, that's enough now," Strip cut him off before he could offend anyone, and pulled him towards the doors to the parking lot.

"You can edit that out, right?" Tori asked Bill worriedly. Bill shrugged.

"I don't do the edits, man, I just film people."

As they walked out to join the other two, someone rudely bumped into Tori.

"Outta the way, I'm going places," a figure said, and Tori sighed. It was Hicks. As expected, he stopped short when he saw the camera.

"Oh, hey..." he said. "You must be the camera guy following these losers around all day."

"Yip," Bill replied, trying to focus the camera past Chicks and onto where Strip and Sammy were waiting at Tori's 1971 Ford Torino Wagon. Hicks stepped back into his shot.

"Well, I'm off to go get something I really need, so if you want some real action, why don't you join me for the ride?"

"Can't," Bill replied. "Gotta stick with the Caterpillar guy."

"Your loss," Hicks shrugged, making his way back to the car, swinging his keys. Tori watched in a stunned silence.

Hicks was dressed appropriately from the waist down but for some reason had forgotten to put on a shirt. He shook his head in absolute disbelief.

Strip and Sammy watched as Hicks made his way over to the Buick. It wasn't hard to miss. The neon green car was an exact replica of the one he drove on the racetrack - right down to the stickers.

"Hey, Hicks," Strip called out. "Where's your shirt?"

"Too warm for one, old man," Hicks replied and Strip resisted the urge to roll his eyes. He was only about seven years older than the Hostile Takeover Bank driver.

"It'll get cold later," he warned.

"You don't need a shirt when you look like this," Chicks replied, getting into his knockoff car.

Strip shook his head.

"Unbelievable."

"I don't even know why you bother," Sammy commented.

"Just… cut that part out," Tori told Bill, unlocking his car as Chick's screeched away, burning rubber and leaving tire tracks on the parking lot for no good reason whatsoever. Tori hated that guy, he was giving racers everywhere a bad name.

The drive over to Walmart was relatively uneventful. Tori drove with Strip in the passenger seat with Sammy and Bill in the back. The two in front teased Sammy about not having a girlfriend. Sammy tried to rataliate by saying at least he had freedom and didn't have to worry about anniversaries.

They pulled into the Walmart parking lot and Bill put the camera down, fumbling with it.

"Battery's low," he explained. "Gotta just switch it out quickly."

"Poor thing had to retain the memory of Chick Hicks," Sammy commented. "That's enough to make anybody wanna die."

"Speaking of Hicks…" Tori pulled into a parking space and glanced into his rearview mirror. "What is he doing?"

The three racers climbed out of the car as Bill worked on switching out the battery. They stared for a good few seconds in silence.

Chicks was standing in front of the Walmart, paper money strewn around him like confetti. A poor Walmart employee was trying to pacify him but shrank back, clearly thinking she was dealing with a crazy person.

"DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?" Hicks shouted.

The employee murmured something to the manager, who had just come out. He said something to Hicks that the other three couldn't hear, but they picked up the racer's response quite clearly.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN NOT APPROPRIATELY DRESSED? TAKE MY MONEY!"

With that he dug into his pocket and pulled out a wad of cash which he attempted to throw into the manager's face. A small breeze that was fluttering blew the money right back into his face.

Sammy burst out laughing.

"He's not wearing a shirt!" The Cat racer howled in laughter, doubling over. "He's not getting in!"

Tori couldn't help but smile, but it was definitely a long suffering one.

Bill stepped out with the camera rolling.

"Strip, can you explain to me what's happening?" He asked, getting a good shot of Hicks over Strip's shoulder.

Strip chuckled before regaining composure just long enough to answer.

"They ain't letting Hicks into Walmart cause he ain't got no shirt on."

"TAKE MY MONEY!"

Sammy grabbed onto Tori to keep from falling to the ground and just laughed until he couldn't breathe. Strip managed to stop laughing long enough to breath as Hicks threw all of his money into the air. Begrudgingly, he had stop and pick the bills up from the ground in order to keep up his tantrum.

The breeze blew some of the notes their way and Sammy eagerly picked up a 50 dollar bill.

"Finders keepers," he defended as Tori shot him a disapproving look. He took a few more 20s, hating seeing money go to waste.

"Give it back," Tori said sternly.

"Fine," Sammy muttered, crunching the cash into a ball and tossing it at Hick's feet.

"Think if he taped all the money together and wore it as a shirt they'd let him in?" Strip asked mildly.

Sammy guffawed and Tori laughed.

"Oh, man, Strip, don't put that picture in my head," he shook his head, trying to erase the image from his mind. Turning to Bill he tried to explain, "This isn't normal for us - racers I mean."

"THIS IS LEGAL CASH!"

"For anyone really," Tori tried to explain further, but started laughing again.

Sammy, almost out of breath, managed one last jab at his friend.

"Secretly…. Tori's just happy…. Cause he ain't the one…. We're laughing… at."

Strip fell back against the Torino as he laughed.

"Hey," Tori shoved Sammy lightly.

The best part about the entire scenario for the three racers was that Hicks didn't even notice them. While he was throwing money around and demanding to be let into Walmart, Strip, Sammy, and Tori were left in various states of amusement.

Bill filmed everything.

"Alright, guys, let's go," Tori said after half an hour of watching Hicks make an idiot of himself.

"Aww, but why?" Sammy whined, wiping tears of laughter from his eyes. "This is even better than Walmart people."

Strip tried not to laugh but failed miserably. The three walked towards the entrance, and Strip pulled off his jacket.

"Hicks," he said, and the dark haired man turned around, only now seeing that his tantrum had witnesses.

"Here," Strip tossed the Dinoco jacket towards him. "Finish your shopping and leave the employees alone."

Sammy didn't even try to mask his snickering at the filthy glare Hicks shot the group. Tori glanced down to suppress his smile.

Not even bothering with a thank you, Hicks shrugged on the jacket and pulled up the zipper. Strip chuckled as the other racer started collecting the cash lying all around him, stuffing it unceremoniously into his pockets.

"You're far too nice," Sammy muttered with a shake of his head.

"Don't want him out here all night," Strip replied. "Employees don't deserve it."

Tori went to pick up whatever it was his wife had asked him to while Strip and Sammy loitered around the front. Strip walked past the clothing section, slowing down as he noticed a bunch of new racing t-shirts. He fingered the Dinoco one before another caught his attention.

An idea popped into his head and he grinned. This was just too perfect.

"What you get?" Sammy asked, as he saw Strip come towards him with a plastic bag.

"Wait and see," Strip said with a small smile as they waited for Tori to pay.

The three racers and Bill waited outside for Hicks to finish. He did eventually, carrying a big box of something expensive-looking. He didn't notice them as he hurried towards the Buick.

"Hey, Chick," Strip called. "Aren't you forgetting something?"

Hicks turned around slowly, looking at the group with disdain. Bill grinned and zoomed in on the expression.

"The jacket," Strip elaborated. "I need it back."

Hicks didn't say anything, knowing he was beat. Putting down the box, he pulled off the Dinoco jacket. It was a nice one that only came with the sponsorship, and both Sammy and Tori understood his reluctance to part with it.

As Strip had warned, the cold air hit Chick's shoulders and made him shiver now that it was the early hours of the morning. He practically threw the jacket back at Strip who caught it easily, not bothered by the aggression.

Sammy and Tori watched curiously as Strip reached into his bag and pulled out a t-shirt. Bill leaned forward.

Hicks looked at the t-shirt with complete hatred, then shot Strip a look with more loathing than Sammy or Tori had ever seen from him. For a moment he debated whether or not he should take the offered piece of clothing. However, he was cold and so snatched it out of Strip's hands and jerked it on.

Strip's easy smile had just a smidgen of gloating in it as he stepped back so that Sammy and Tori could see.

Not even Tori could suppress his laughter as they saw what Strip had gotten his rival. It was one of Team Caterpillar's newest shirts, almost as bright yellow as Hostile Takeover's green. It showed Sammy's race car zooming in a comic fashion to the right and in big red letters stood the text: _You wanna know where it's at, join Team Cat_.

Sammy howled with laughter and Strip couldn't help but grin, even as Hicks shot them one of the dirtiest looks imaginable. Without a single thank you, he picked up his box and made his way over to the Buick.

"You're dead," Tori turned towards Strip. "Oh, man, he's gonna hate you for that."

"I can live with it," Strip shrugged.

"Hicks in a Team Cat shirt," Sammy wiped the tears from his eyes and turned to Bill. "Please tell me you got that, please tell me you got at least part of it."

"I got every second of it," Bill reported.

"Come on," Sammy stumbled towards the Torino in the midst of his laughter. "We have to go print that. I want it framed."

"Maybe we'll even get him to sign it," Strip mused.

"Oh, I highly doubt it," Tori shook his head. "That shirt's gonna be in the fire the moment he gets back to the hotel."

"I don't even care," Strip admitted. "Best five bucks I spent in my life."

No one saw the shirt ever again. But Sammy got the picture printed and framed as per his wish and the editors didn't cut the scene out. MTV released the episode and the rankings shot through the roof. The younger racers thought it was hilarious and for weeks Hicks couldn't show his face on the track without someone snickering at him or throwing money towards him.

Hicks never forgave him. Strip didn't care. It was the best shopping trip of his life.


End file.
